


This is Not a Story About Teaching a Robot to Love

by Cinnamongirl



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas Fluff, EDI is introspective, F/M, I don't know how to throw parties, James throws the best parties, which is why I left it vague in the text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2907272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamongirl/pseuds/Cinnamongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Normandy crew decides to have a Christmas party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Not a Story About Teaching a Robot to Love

The party was originally Jeff's idea. “It would be good for her,” he explained to EDI while they were spending time together at a club on the Citadel. (Technically, her mobile platform was at the club with him. EDI herself was still installed on the Normandy.) “Shepard needs something to be happy about after Thane, and it's almost Christmas. She's from Earth, isn't she? Christmas is a big deal there.”

Commander Shepard had already been upset about Mordin Solus' death when she was devastated by the recent coup attempt on the Citadel that had led to the death of Thane Krios. At least Maj. Alenko was still alive and well. EDI suspected that this small success was one of the few things still keeping her going.

“Yes, I believe that a Christmas party would have a beneficial effect on the Commander's mood. At least, I don't believe it would make her feel _worse_.”

Jeff nodded. “So I've never actually thrown a party before. There's what, music? And drinks?”

EDI scanned the extranet for information. “Christmas parties also traditionally include decorations, food, and gifts.”

“Huh.”

“Yes.”

 

Jeff changed the subject after that. They watched people in the crowd and discussed the upcoming Blasto movie (reviewers proclaimed that it was the best entry in the franchise yet, but Jeff was still skeptical after the previous movie). The conversation eventually turned back to Normandy operations, as it almost always did. 

“Are you happy?” Jeff asked suddenly, when there was a lull in the conversation.

EDI thought about how to answer such a vague question. “It's difficult to assess my emotional well-being without being given more specific parameters, but the answer is probably yes.”

Jeff chuckled. “Yeah, that was kind of out of nowhere, wasn't it? I mean, do you like this?”

“What do you mean by, 'this'?”

“Just... talking and sitting with me all the time. I get worried that you'd rather be doing something more exciting, or more robot-y, or... something.”

So “this” was referring to what they were currently doing. That made the question easier. “This is good. I am experiencing positive feedback from this.” There was a lot to observe and learn, and Jeff's company was always enjoyable. 

“Oh. Well, that's good!” Jeff visibly relaxed, even though his posture still looked tense. 

 

They had recently decided to start dating, which was the most accurate human concept for the nature of their relationship. There wasn't really a synthetic equivalent, but EDI had a positive opinion of Jeff and was in favor of this arrangement. 

She knew that it hadn't been easy for him to trust her enough to free her. They had become close friends since then, even before EDI obtained her new body. She enjoyed spending time with him, which seemed logical enough, but the situation still felt complicated. EDI had experiences that were similar to organic emotions despite the lack of a common physiological basis. She understood the valence and intensity of her feelings, if they could be called such, but there was something about the nature, or perhaps the shape of them, that was out of reach. It seemed to be inherently difficult to quantify phenomena such as attraction or affection.

EDI had asked Jeff recently if it bothered him that she wasn't capable of feeling the same things for him that a human would. Many organic species used words like “love” and “desire” to refer to neurochemical events that she didn't have the hardware for. EDI _did_ have the ability to develop preferences and she had a strong preference for Jeff, but she would never experience an increase in heart rate or rush of oxytocin release when she looked at him. When she brought this up, he just said “Hey, if you like being around me, I'm not complaining,” and then muttered something about overcomplicating everything.

* * *

Dr. T'Soni visited the cockpit once they were back on the Normandy. “I hear you want to throw a Christmas party? That's an excellent idea! Shepard will love it.”

Jeff raised an eyebrow at EDI. “Did you tell her?”

EDI shook her head. 

Liara ignored them and continued, “I am not familiar with human holidays--or parties, really--but I'd be happy to assist if I can. Do you know where it will take place?”

Jeff frowned thoughtfully. “Well, we're not expected to go near civilization anytime soon. That was supposed to be our last stop at the Citadel before we hit up a bunch of uninhabited planets on the other side of the galaxy. Unless Shepard changes the flight plans at the last minute again...”

“So we'll have it here on the Normandy,” Liara said in a businesslike voice. “Are you familiar with party planning?”

“Uh, no. I was hoping maybe you were?”

“I believe that James has the most experience in this area, and he is also familiar with human holidays. I'll ask for his assistance.”

“What, Vega? Actually, that kind of makes a lot of sense...”

Liara smiled. “Is there anything else I can do?” When Jeff and EDI only glanced at each other, she continued, “Excellent! Please don't hesitate to ask if I can be of any assistance.” Her expression darkened. “I worry about Shepard. She's going through a difficult time right now, and I fear that it will only get worse. I just wish there was more I could do to help her.”

 

Shepard dropped by the cockpit a few minutes later. “Hey Joker, have you seen Liara?” she asked. “She wasn't in her office.”

“Uh, yeah, she was just in here, actually.”

“Oh, good! I've been looking everywhere.”

“Something wrong?” Joker asked.

“No...” she sighed. “I just haven't seen her in a while. Maybe I'll check the crew deck again. Hey, EDI?”

“Yes, Commander?”

“After I find Liara, would you be up for one of those conversations where you get all existential and I help you feel better about yourself?”

“Certainly, Commander.”

“Great! Talk to you guys later!” She left the cockpit, looking happier than she had when she came in.

EDI turned her head and looked at Jeff, who shrugged.

“She seems to be lonely,” she said.

“Yeah.” Jeff frowned.

 

EDI spent a lot of time in philosophical contemplation. It was something she was able to do easily in the background while other, more important, processes were running. Jeff was generally supportive of this, but he seemed to find it stressful and inappropriate for him to discuss the nature of her own existence with her. Fortunately, Shepard was happy to engage in these kinds of conversations. She didn't have a background in philosophy (or much of an academic background at all, actually) but she seemed to believe that this kind of thinking was a sign that EDI was truly alive, and she encouraged it.

For example, EDI sometimes wondered about her purpose as a living being. She'd been created by Cerberus and inhabited a body that originally belonged to them, but she strongly disagreed with Cerberus' goals and spent a lot of time helping to fight them. Shepard pointed out, “Hey, Cerberus 'made' me too and I never listened to them. We do what we want because we're free; doesn't matter where we came from.”

EDI had recently been thinking about the odd nature of her relationship with the humans on the Normandy. They had abilities that she would never possess, but she was, by many standards, much more powerful than any human. On the other hand, she had been created to serve humans and she was still seen by many as just a part of the Normandy itself. As far as she could tell, she was seen as some combination of god and servant; something to be feared but not respected.

She was both unique and isolated, and often felt alone. EDI had only recently started existing, and had gained full control over herself even more recently. She recognized that it was unusual to be highly knowledgeable and powerful but at the same time almost naïve. EDI had access to extensive information, but unlike the Geth consensus she had very little personal experience. The recent acquisition of the new platform had changed her perspective in unexpected ways. EDI had more social interactions now and she found them enjoyable. When Shepard came back later in the day, EDI talked with her about how she was starting to be perceived and treated as one of the crew.

She also mentioned to Shepard that the body had given her a new perspective on her own gender. EDI typically encouraged people to use female pronouns for her, even though she wasn't entirely sure that she _had_ a gender identity. Cerberus had essentially assigned her as female with the choices of her name and her voice, and it wasn't inconvenient to go along with this. When she took control over the platform, however, she actually had the appearance of secondary sex characteristics. It was true that it was mainly a matter of convenience, but it felt validating and possibly even empowering to choose her own gender presentation.

Shepard listened thoughtfully and nodded. “See? Shit like that, means you're real. Alive. “

* * *

Several days later, Lt. Vega visited Jeff in the cockpit to ask if gifts would be exchanged during this party. He needed to know soon, he said, so that he could inform everyone else. 

EDI overheard the conversation while she was out on a mission with Shepard. Jeff spent the rest of the day discussing it with her. “What would I buy for Shepard? What is she even into? Other than aliens, obviously. Are there any model ships that she doesn't have yet?” He briefly considered something that he referred to as a “Secret Santa” system, but that was abandoned after half an hour spent trying to figure out what he would give anyone else on the Normandy. “Do you have any ideas?” he asked EDI.

She explained the ring that she had pre-ordered for Shepard and planned to give her once it had been crafted.

“Huh. So you're actually _really good_ at gift-giving. Who knew?”

In the end, it was decided that no gifts would be exchanged, because “Shepard makes enough to buy anything she wants, anyway.”

 

They spoke with each other almost constantly. Jeff rarely left the cockpit during waking hours and EDI was installed on the Normandy, so they were almost always together. When they weren't discussing Normandy operations and Shepard's missions, they spent a lot of time gossiping. Jeff educated her about “important” pop culture phenomena and occasionally gave her glimpses of his own life before she'd met him. He seemed to enjoy it when EDI asked questions and made observations. They compared opinions about the rest of the crew and their missions, and they sometimes told each other jokes. EDI would never admit it to him, but Jeff's jokes were better.

It pleased EDI that Jeff was willing to talk with her, even when her “body” wasn't there. As she had told Shepard, most of the organic crew members would walk to the cockpit to speak with her and make eye contact with the optic sensors on her platform. It was good, she decided, to be thought of and treated as one of the crew, but it also made her interactions with Jeff seem more intimate. It was sometimes more convenient to speak with him using the speakers installed on the Normandy while her body was elsewhere, and it was pleasant to think that he valued convenience over pretending that she wasn't an AI. EDI could, after all, change her appearance to look like she had human skin and hair. It wouldn't be difficult to look human all the time; she had more than enough processing capability. When she mentioned this to Jeff, his response was “Nah, I know you're a robot.” EDI felt accepted. She decided that she liked it.

* * *

James visited the cockpit again about a week before the party. “Hey, I'm making the rounds to talk to everyone because Lola has a habit of showing up whenever I'm speaking over the comm channel. The plan is for Doc to, uh, 'keep her busy' in her cabin so we can get set up, and then bring her down to the crew deck. I'll need you two there at 1400.”

 

“I've never really done anything big for Christmas,” Jeff was saying after James left. “It was always just my mom and dad and me growing up—Hilary was born when I was older—and they never made a big deal about it. Probably didn't help that I spent Christmas in the hospital when I was five, and then again when I was eight.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Jeff spoke again. “So Shepard's apparently getting laid right before the party? That won't be awkward at all.”

EDI wasn't sure what the appropriate response was in this situation, so she remained silent. She knew that Jeff had had very little experience with sex or dating, and that he'd never been in a serious relationship before. It made sense, considering his history. He started flight school at an early age and he mostly kept to himself because he didn't get along well with his peers there. Other than the brief stint with Cerberus, Jeff had spent his entire career with the Alliance, where there were limited opportunities to meet new people and rules against fraternization.

“So... speaking of...” he continued, “I know you know what I talked to Mordin about. What do you think?”

She was aware that he had asked for and received advice about engaging in a sexual relationship with her. He was interested in the idea, but also apprehensive, and nothing had happened so far. It was true that EDI had watched Jeff masturbate on several occasions, which was considered to be a sex act by many humans, but the cameras in the Normandy had also seen most of the crew masturbating at some point. On the other hand, she allocated more attention when Jeff did it, trying to catalog every movement and physiological response. She found his body especially interesting. EDI had recently gotten in the habit of talking with him while he was masturbating, which seemed to make the act more intimate for some reason and also produced significant increases in the magnitude of his aforementioned physiological responses.

“I'm interested,” she said honestly, because the idea of being in a sexual relationship was interesting.

“Well. That's good! But do you want to? I mean, I'm pretty sure I can do it without breaking anything, but what about you? Are you even into-”

“Jeff,” she cut in.”

“Hm?”

“May I kiss you?” She attempted a smile that she hoped was encouraging.

“Uh, yeah, of course-”

He stopped talking when she stood up and walked the two steps toward him. EDI bent over and pressed her lips to his. Her touch was perfectly calibrated to avoid injuring him, based on her knowledge of human physiology and information from his medical records. 

The sensory feedback she was receiving was absolutely fascinating. There was soft pressure against her face, and then a hand touching her cheek and another hand at her waist and a tongue licking inside her mouth. Jeff's responses were equally interesting; his heart and respiration rates increased, his breathing became harsh, and he made a very nice sound in the back of his throat. EDI knew that this was all very important data that she would need to save for future review. 

She pulled away after what she'd calculated to be an appropriate length of time, and stood up straight. They looked at each other and smiled. For the first time that she was aware of, Jeff was speechless.

* * *

When the day of the party arrived, EDI attempted to help with decorating, but James' instructions were frustratingly vague so she had to supplement them with information she learned from the extranet. There was a plastic sculpture that looked like a species of tree that grows on Earth. It was decorated with small lightbulbs and various colorful objects. The room had more plastic plant life, as well as ribbons and thin sheets of metal. One of the tables held drinks and small portions of food on large plates. There was a lot of red, which her research suggested was traditional. 

After the decorating was complete, EDI sat down next to Jeff at one of the tables and waited for Shepard to arrive.

 

It didn't take long before she heard Liara's and Shepard's voices. “Okay, what did you need to show me in your office that was so imp-” Shepard stopped speaking and her mouth fell open when she saw the Normandy crew surrounded by Christmas decorations. “What is this?”

“We thought you might enjoy a Christmas party,” Liara explained. “It was Joker's idea and James did most of the planning, but everyone helped. Merry Christmas!”

When Shepard noticed the tree, she couldn't stop smiling at it. It apparently took her a few seconds to figure out how to speak again. “It's beautiful! You know, there are real trees like this that grow on Earth! Or at least there used to be...” She looked down at her feet. 

EDI wondered why a tree had to be organic in order to be considered “real,” but she only looked sympathetically at Shepard while Liara rubbed a hand across her back.

James took the opportunity to activate a speaker, and music started playing.

Shepard suddenly looked up and smiled again. “Oh, I haven't heard this song in forever! It was always my favorite!” Shepard grinned at James, who mouthed “thank you” to Liara behind Shepard's back.

Jeff reached over to hold EDI's hand under the table. She felt gentle pressure and warmth, and she grinned at him. “Merry Christmas, Jeff,” she said.

“Merry Christmas, EDI.”


End file.
